The #1 Growth Lesson I Learned

What a violent prisoner taught me about the hard side of change.

Every time I’ve grown, something had to go.
A belief. A relationship. A version of me that couldn’t keep up.
Cutting something off sounds violent until you realise it’s the only way you’ll grow.

How bad do you want to get out?

Mark “Chopper” Read wanted out of a prison wing so badly he sliced off both his ears with a razor blade.
No morphine. No second thoughts.

“You know how many ears I've got, mate? None. That’s how much I wanted out.”

Extreme? Obviously.
But it was the price he was willing to pay to get somewhere new.

And that stuck with me because even though most of us aren’t carving off limbs to change our life, we’re still asked to cut things off.

Parts of ourselves.
Identities.
Relationships.
Comfort.

We talk a lot about growth like it’s this beautiful, upward curve clean, exciting, full of progress.

But most real growth?
It’s brutal.
It costs you something.
Sometimes the price is a part of you.

I was reminded of that in the weirdest place: a phone call between Tom Hardy and Charles Bronson.

While Hardy was prepping for the Bronson film, the two of them spoke regularly. On one of those calls, Hardy had just broken up with his girlfriend. He wasn’t acting. He was just a bit off. Bronson could tell.

He asked, “What’s going on?”

Hardy was honest. No posturing, no PR training. He said he’d just split with his partner.

Bronson’s response?

“Good. You’ve got to cut a little piece of yourself off if you want to grow.”

Not a therapist. Not a guru. Not a wellness influencer.
Charles Bronson the most violent prisoner in Britain said that.
And weirdly, it might be one of the wisest things I’ve ever heard about change.

Growth Doesn’t Happen in the Shiny Bits

Everyone wants to grow. That word gets thrown around like it's all journaling and morning routines and becoming your “best self.” But most of the time, real growth doesn't look clean or inspiring. It doesn’t happen when you're in control. It happens when something goes sideways. When you lose something or someone and the dust settles enough for you to see yourself properly.

Sometimes growth is:

• A breakup

• A job loss

• A falling out

• A harsh truth

• A moment where you admit you’ve been bullshitting yourself for years

Not because those things are good, but because they leave a gap.
And in that gap, something new has a shot at showing up.

You Can’t Take Everything With You

That line “cut a bit off to grow” it’s stayed with me.

Because we try to take everything with us when we move forward.

Old habits.
Old roles.
Old mindsets.
People we’ve outgrown.
Beliefs that were never ours to begin with.

But every time you hit a ceiling, every time you feel like you’re stuck in the same loop maybe it’s not about adding something.
Maybe it’s about cutting something loose.

What Needs Cutting?

It might be:

• The version of you who plays it safe

• That one voice in your head that always talks you down

• Your need to be liked by people who don't even know who they are

• The way you shrink yourself so others don’t feel uncomfortable

Or maybe it’s smaller. Something quiet:

• A late-night habit that kills your mornings

• The way you tell stories that make you the victim

• The fact you haven’t been honest with yourself in months

Whatever it is, you feel it. There’s something dragging behind you. And the longer you carry it, the heavier it gets.

This Isn’t About Reinvention. It’s About Reduction.

We’re obsessed with reinventing ourselves. Starting fresh. Becoming this shiny new person.

But most of the time, the next version of you is already there.
You’ve just got too much extra weight on top.

You don’t need to add. You need to cut.

And yeah, it’s hard. That piece you’re holding onto it might’ve helped you survive once. It might’ve been a part of you for years. But that doesn’t mean it gets to stay.

You can outgrow your old self without hating who you were.
But you do have to be willing to say: “You’re not coming with me.”

Hardy Was Just Being Honest. That’s Where It Starts.

He could’ve lied. Said everything was fine.
Kept it surface level.

But the fact he said, “you know what, this week’s been shit, I split with my girlfriend”… that’s the start.

Honesty first. Growth second.

Because once you say it out loud that something’s not right, or that something’s got to give you’re already moving.

Most people don’t grow because they’re too busy pretending everything’s fine.

So Here’s the Bit You Might Need to Hear

Take 60 seconds. Actually stop.

Ask yourself:
What part of me do I know, deep down, needs to go?
Not in a “I’ll deal with that next year” kind of way.
But in a quiet, honest, “I already know what it is” kind of way.

And if that part of you feels hard to let go of?
Good. That’s how you know it matters.

In the End...

Bronson wasn’t being poetic. He was being brutal and right.

“Cut a bit of yourself off if you want to grow.”

It doesn’t mean abandon who you are. It means respect yourself enough to shed what’s no longer serving you.

That’s the real work.
The kind no one claps for.
But it’s where the shift starts.

Your move.

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